Preparing to Get Naked: The Talk to Have Before Dropping Your Bikini Top or Swimsuit

Thank you to everyone who has visited our blog since October, 2013. My wife and I have taken a lot of nude vacations and getaways over the past 20 years and our goal for our blog is to remove any stigma or anxiety for couples interested in trying it and to be a good resource of what to expect.

While researching where to go for a clothing optional trip or first time nude sunbathing with your spouse experience can be fun, if you and your spouse haven’t discussed it first, you might be headed to couples counseling later. My opinion, the worst thing you can do is surprise your spouse by just showing up at a nude beach or clothing optional location and expect them to jump right in. Not a good idea at all. In fact, they may never want to go back. We saw a couple at a local nudist park and honestly thought she was going to have a nervous breakdown. She and her partner had clearly not discussed it before and I felt really bad for her and was glad when after an hour he put his clothes back on (she never removed her clothing) and left. I can only imagine the conversation in the car later. He was wrong for putting her through that and not making sure she was comfortable first.

So what do you do first before finding a beach like Haulover in Miami or a bed and breakfast with a fantastic clothing optional pool like the Green House Inn in New Orleans? Sit down and talk. Explain why you want to try this with them. Talk about why you want to experience a clothing optional setting and any doubts, concerns or anxieties you and they might have. Discuss it all, including any sexual concerns like what happens if he gets an erection (turn over, it will go away).

Now, your spouse might be as excited for the experience as you are and be onboard immediately, in which case planning and reading forums about the place, setting, etc. can be a lot of fun. Often your first nude experience is a vacation and who doesn’t like to go on vacation?

Chances are though, even if your spouse does want to go, they are a bit nervous and have reservations. That’s completely understandable. I know my wife and I both did. So let’s discuss this and share our observations and thoughts on the topic.

First a little history. When I was growing up, I had gone skinny dipping a few times. I loved the feeling of swimming naked and being nude in the sun. It felt great to be warm all over (a feeling I still enjoy 25 year later). I did this a few times but always alone at a small lake near my home. I knew it was something I enjoyed and skinny dipping with others was something I wanted to try. My wife also had gone skinny dipping with friends (girls and boys) when she was in high school late at night one summer. She laughed telling me about it because she remembers it looked like she and all of her girlfriends weren’t actually naked but instead wearing glowing white bikinis from their tan lines.  Later in college, she took a trip to Europe and went to a topless beach but was too intimidated to shed her top with all of her friends around.  That was it for both of us. Neither one of us could be called a nudist (then or now).

Fast forward a few months before our wedding and honeymoon to Tahiti. I mentioned to my wife (then girlfriend) that she could go topless on our honeymoon and that I would like to try to find a place where we could go skinny dipping or even sunbathe nude. This is when we had our talk.

She told me she loved the idea of us finding a place to go skinny dipping with me but sunbathing nude or even skinny dipping with people around us made her uncomfortable because other people would see her.  I told her that I understood her concerns and that I didn’t know how I felt about other people seeing me or her naked but that my desire to see “how it felt” was important to me. I wanted to be naked, outside with her. While I didn’t know it at the time, this was a turning point for us.

Key point here is that we talked and discussed why we wanted to experience this and what fears/anxieties we had. Later, when we went to Tahiti, my wife was topless most of the time there. She loved it. And I loved watching her sunbathe, swim and walk without her bikini top on. I never realized that this could be a turn on to me, but it was.

I did some online research and was amazed at how many men asked for tips on how to get their wives to try topless or nude sunbathing.  Many women, like my wife said originally, were uncomfortable of people looking at them naked. A few women also said that they would like to try topless sunbathing but their husbands were super protective of other men looking at them while clothed, let alone naked.

Based on these very real concerns, here is our advice. Ask your wife or husband to give it a try and see if they can become comfortable. Plan to go to a clothing optional beach or bed and breakfast and let them know they can shed as much or as little as they want to with no pressure from you. Do not go to a nude resort where you are required to be naked. This can be very intimidating and I’ve seen it work out badly when trying to introduce social nudity to someone who is not ready for it.  The experience should be comfortable not scary. You might be a little anxious. That’s normal but not uncomfortable.

After a while, your wife may take off her bikini top or swimsuit or your husband might relax and realize that others there might give a pleasant nod but rarely will someone stare. It really doesn’t happen and if it does, you have ever right to put your clothes back on. The key here is being comfortable and doing things slowly.  Your wife may feel great sunbathing without her top on, but want to put it back on when she swims or walks on the beach. Your husband might be fine naked on his stomach but be completely uncomfortable sitting up or laying on this back. Do what feels right.  After a while it will feel very natural and right. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. This may not be a couples activity you can do.

Your wife or husband may decide they never want to be naked outside of your home but that they’re comfortable with you sunbathing nude. We’ve seen this at beaches many times. He will be naked but she is wearing a bikini or she is topless but wearing the smallest thong bikini bottom ever seen. Or she is naked but he is wearing his swimsuit. I’ve covered our experiences with first time social nudity in several of our blog posts already. I encourage you to read them again.

I do want to call attention to one point I saw mentioned several times in online forums on the topic of asking your husband/wife to go naked for the first time. There are people who believe if you truly love your spouse, that you would never want anyone to see them naked. That you are wrong for asking them to show their bodies to the world and perverted for being naked and wanting them to be naked with you. I saw comments like this in many forums. If your spouse shares this opinion, this may not be an option for you.

Please let us know what questions or concerns you have. I will tell you that our time together naked on a beach or at a resort has been wonderful. For us, it’s about being completely relaxed and comfortable. When we first went nude together many years ago, we were comfortable but not relaxed. It takes time. And it can be a stimulating experience for you both but not at the time. Later, in the privacy of your bedroom. Social nudity as we have described it is not overtly sexual. There is a right time and place and it’s not at a public beach or resort, but in privacy later.

Talk to your spouse and see what they think. Summer will be here before we know it.  Let us know your questions. We’ll do our best to share insights. Good luck.