In the past year, I can’t begin to tell you how many emails I’ve received from people concerned about their appearance on a nude beach. They honestly don’t believe anyone would want to see them naked.
That’s not why we go to a nude beach. You go because of how you feel when you’re free of clothing and exposed to the sun, the surf and your spouse. It’s one of the most incredible feelings I’ve ever felt and you can’t really experience it unless you’ve stripped down and let the sun warm your entire body. It has nothing to do with how you look.
Neither my wife or I are “10s.” To be honest, to me my wife is a 20, but she would tell you that her hips are too big, her breasts too small and after nursing two boys, her nipples are too long. I would tell you she’s perfect. Me, I’d like to lose a few pounds, put on some muscle and of course, be a little bigger down there. But after more than 40 years, what you see is what you get.
We all hide behind masks. Think about it. Clothing or a bathing suit mask us from others. Just like Halloween, we mask who we really are for something else. In five minutes, we learn a lot about people simply be seeing what they wear.
Recently I found a website that captures this thought beautifully. I’d like to share it with you now. It’s a website project called, Naked People. I love their words on the topic:
“Clothing is our second skin. It disguises, reveals- it can reflect our innermost being or conceal it. Through one’s clothing, he or she is able to exhibit his or her profession, social status, or mood. A suit lets us assume the bearer is a banker, office worker, insurance agent… In our society this is a distinguishing characteristic of respectability. But, how often is such an assumption true? Can we absolutely trust this covering? What really is underneath? Could the illusion be destroyed at the discovery of a tattoo, or leave the person as inscrutable as before? Here we have the opportunity to see the differences in perception between a person dressed and undressed.”
As you can see, clothing really does hide us. When you’re without your mask, you often meet the most wonderful people because they aren’t hiding anything either.
My wife and I have a game we play similar to this website. We play it when we go to a clothing optional beach like Haulover in Miami. We watch couples coming onto the beach and look at what they are wearing. We try to guess if they are conservative or liberal, if they are restrained or a little wild? We guess if they will or won’t get naked? We guess if he or she will get naked first. We guess if they have tattoos. We guess if they have piercings.
Sounds a little immature doesn’t it? You’re right. It is. But I can honestly tell you that I’ve learned a lot through this simple game. Clothing is very deceiving. We all judge people by what they wear and immediately make assumptions about who they are and what they will do on a clothing optional beach.
The one thing we’ve learned is there is nothing consistent about this game. More than once, I’ve bet my wife about a modest couple coming down to the beach and said there is no way she will go more than topless. Later I was shocked to find that she not only shed all of her clothing, but had piercings all over her body and very large tattoos. Same with guy who appears hip and cool when he walks onto the beach, but starts sweating the moment his spouse takes off her top. You can tell he isn’t getting naked, no how, no way.
What was your first experience on a nude beach or clothing optional resort? Were you surprised by what you felt when your clothing mask came off? I would love to hear your thoughts. Remember, regardless of what clothing we wear, we are all naked people.
You really can’t find a better or easier nude beach experience than Haulover Beach in North Miami. It is one of our favorite clothing optional beaches anywhere: Haulover Beach, you really can’t stay closer to Haulover than the Daddy O Hotel in Miami.
It’s very clean, very fun, very hip and very reasonably priced and is less than 10 minutes from Haulover. We have found room 222 to be our favorite. It’s roomy and private, but a long walk to the front of the hotel. The staff at the Daddy O are friendly and they have beach towels and chairs available for you to use. What more do you need?
You are about 20 minutes drive from the restaurants and clubs at South Beach. You will want to go to South Beach each night. It’s awesome and worth the trip. For lunch food, beer and other treats, go to the Publix in Surfside. Google it and you’ll find the location. They can make sandwiches for you. I recommend the Cuban. It’s easy to get to from the Daddy O Hotel in Bal Harbour and you’ll be on the beach enjoying the sun, surf and sand before you know it. Food, beverages and chairs and umbrellas are available for purchase/rent on Haulover Beach. Remember there are no glass bottles allowed at Haulover and the only thing you’ll want and need to wear is lots of sunscreen.
Unfortunately the food and art scene in Bal Harbour isn’t really happening unless you only want to shop at the Bal Harbour Shops, which does feature many high-end retailers. We highly recommend going to the Lincoln Road Mall or Espanola Way in South Beach. Great food, good shopping and incredible people watching. The only thing better is watching the people you will see nude at Haulover. It really is an interesting bunch. Not at Haulover, but well worth the visit, is the Effusion Gallery in South Beach. It’s one of our favorites and perhaps one of yours too. Give it a look. It’s well worth the visit. Every time we’re in South Beach, we have one dinner on Ocean Drive in South Beach. Truthfully, it is rarely worth the money. The food is okay, the people watching great, but the price doesn’t justify it. That said, we eat on Ocean Drive every time hoping it will get better, but it doesn’t. Espanola Way and Lincoln Road Mall are the places to go. Trust us.
Enjoy nude sunbathing and skinny dipping at Haulover beach and the restaurants and people at Espanola Way and Lincoln Park Mall. You’ll have a great trip. Just don’t get sunburned. Tell us what you think!
So what should you expect on your first trip to a nude or clothing optional beach? Well, it is a trip to the beach and that’s always fun right? But let’s be honest, you’ll be a little uncomfortable at first but that’s natural when you do anything for the first time. After going to many nude beaches with my wife, here our are observations of most couples when they go to a nude beach for the very first time.
They usually are overdressed wearing tennis shoes, bathing suits, sarong or other cover up, hat, and t-shirts, while carrying towels and beach bags. While this may sound normal to people going to a non-nude beach, most nude beach veterans actually bring and wear very little. Most wear as little as possible and slip out of it as soon as they can. My wife has even stopped bringing a bikini and often will wear a skirt and t-shirt with nothing on underneath. For me, it’s a pair of soccer shorts and a t-shirt. Less to carry and easier to put on and take off as needed.
Next if the new couple isn’t wearing sunglasses, you’ll actually see their eye bug out looking down the beach at all of the naked bodies. Yup, you’re not in Kansas any more, but while it will be foreign and a little uncomfortable, that will pass. You’ll see a lot of “firsts’ on your visit.
For one, all bodies are not “10s.” You’ll see a lot of different body types. Tall, short, fat, skinny, young and old. Secondly, if you thought people had obvious tattoos with clothes on, you should see what they have without. The same is true of piercings. I had no idea what could be pierced until I went to a nude beach. Painful describes a lot of it, but I don’t judge. Finally, considering all of the cures for baldness out there, ironically many people at a nude beach are shaved down there. Not everyone but a lot of people keep their pubic areas very trim. It’s all personal choice and expression.
What you should learn from this is that regardless of how many tattoos or piercings you do or don’t have, pubic hair style or shaved, penis length or boob size, skinny or fat, you won’t stand out at all because everyone is different and when it’s all on display, most people really don’t notice or care. The sooner you’re comfortable with your and your spouse’s body, the more enjoyable the experience. That’s not to say that people won’t be watching you, especially when you first arrive but they watch because it’s funny. Here’s what I mean.
Next our first time couple generally wanders around on the beach for five to 15 minutes trying to find the perfect spot that’s not too close to everyone, but not too far away from everyone and certainly not surrounded by too many single guys. They’ll check one spot and then another and the entire time trying hard not to make eye contact with any of the naked people sitting, walking and talking around them.
For future reference, look for groups of people who appear to be regulars on the beach. Don’t go for the party crowd but look for other couples grouped together. How do you know they’re regulars? No tan lines is an obvious giveaway. They’ll probably give you space but will be friendly and answer any questions or loan you a bottle opener if you need one. You’ll find that nude beaches have some of the friendliest and most social people you’ll ever meet, and the ones you really want to meet will respect you and your spouse while you’re getting used to the beach.
Next, when the new couple finally finds a spot, they’ll layout their towels and gradually take off their shirts and shorts, while strategically placing bags, coolers and other items around them. My suggestion, block the wind because nothing is worse than being pelted with sand.
When the couple finally finds their place on the beach and sits down they realize the moment has arrived. They look like gophers with their heads darting around to see who is watching them or if anyone is staring. You can see the stress in their eyes and on their faces.
Now one of two things happens, either he stands up while she sits down on a towel and he quickly pulls down this bathing suit and sets it aside. This is the let it all hang out method and it’s the fastest and easiest way to get started because you’ll quickly realize that as soon as you take your suit off, no one is really watching or interested. I have never seen a woman do this first. It’s always the man who does this while she turns multiple shades of red.
Or and this is more common, the couple sits on their towels and begin playing a game of truth or dare. They stare at everyone around them and then at each other to decide who will take off their bathing suit first. You can almost hear them debating and you can see their nervousness. From here it’s a toss up on who will shed their clothes first, but if he does first, he immediately turns over on to his stomach. If she does, she’ll usually take off her bikini top slowly and then looks around to see if anyone is watching. Then she’ll either sit topless for awhile or she’ll remove her bikini bottoms and then turn over onto her stomach too.
So what happens next? Once they both start breathing again and realize there aren’t any spotlights shining on them, they relax and calm down. Before long they’re flipping over and laying on their backs or starting to people watch and trust me there are interesting people on a nude beach.
Usually within a few hours, they’ll be running down to the water and swimming or walking down the beach in the surf. It’s trying everything you love to do on a beach, except naked. It’s this moment when the shock and anxiety wear off and you sit with your spouse and you’re warm all over enjoying a day at the beach and you question why this was such a big thing in your mind.
What I just shared with you is what we’ve seen from many trips to the beach over the past 15 years. That first trip to a nude beach should be special. Remember, it will only be our first time once so plan to relax and enjoy it. You’ll probably wish you had done this sooner.
So what can go wrong on your first trip to a nude beach? Well first, remember to cover up and I do mean sunblock. When parts of your body that have never been kissed by the sun are, it leaves a lasting impression such as the worst sun burn you’ve ever had. And when couples hit the euphoria why haven’t I done this before stage, the last thing they’re thinking about is sunblock. Please use it and lots of it.
Second, if I’m a guy and I get excited what do I do? First off, this has happened to me once and that was only because I was reading a book that had a rather intense sex scene in it (Grisham book). I was shocked when I realized I was becoming physically excited so I flipped over onto my stomach and kept reading till it was gone. If this does happen, take a minute to flip over and relax. This too shall pass.
Finally, and this does happen, what do I do when lots of gawking men sit uncomfortably close to my wife and our towels? The best nude beaches are public beaches and you will see guys with no shame who wander around (usually clothed) gawking and every woman on the beach. Sometimes they sit down or position themselves in a rather uncomfortable angle for maximum viewing.
Remember, this is your day in the sun and ask them to move. If they don’t, talk to a life guard. Don’t let them ruin your day at the beach. This is why I recommend sitting near regulars and/or other couples. These gawkers tend to stay away from the regulars or large groups because they are often well known by these people and are afraid to get too close.
We’ll cover in future posts my favorite public nude beaches but this is all you really need to know to get started. What was your first visit like? Or are you planning your first visit right now? Let us know what questions you have. My favorite nude beach is Haulover in Miami. It’s a wonderful beach with great sand, waves and only minutes from the night life, shopping and restaurants of South Beach. On the Haulover website, they have a section on what to expect on your first visit and nude beach etiquette. It’s very well done. More to come on that later too!
Questions, thoughts, concerns? Let us know. Happy to provide insights and reviews.