Preparing to Get Naked: The Talk to Have Before Dropping Your Bikini Top or Swimsuit

Some nude beach can be the most beautiful places on Earth.
Some nude beach can be the most beautiful places on Earth.

Thank you to everyone who has visited our blog since October, 2013. My wife and I have taken a lot of nude vacations and getaways over the past 20 years and our goal for our blog is to remove any stigma or anxiety for couples interested in trying it and to be a good resource of what to expect.

While researching where to go for a clothing optional trip or first time nude sunbathing with your spouse experience can be fun, if you and your spouse haven’t discussed it first, you might be headed to couples counseling later. My opinion, the worst thing you can do is surprise your spouse by just showing up at a nude beach or clothing optional location and expect them to jump right in. Not a good idea at all. In fact, they may never want to go back. We saw a couple at a local nudist park and honestly thought she was going to have a nervous breakdown. She and her partner had clearly not discussed it before and I felt really bad for her and was glad when after an hour he put his clothes back on (she never removed her clothing) and left. I can only imagine the conversation in the car later. He was wrong for putting her through that and not making sure she was comfortable first.

So what do you do first before finding a beach like Haulover in Miami or a bed and breakfast with a fantastic clothing optional pool like the Green House Inn in New Orleans? Sit down and talk. Explain why you want to try this with them. Talk about why you want to experience a clothing optional setting and any doubts, concerns or anxieties you and they might have. Discuss it all, including any sexual concerns like what happens if he gets an erection (turn over, it will go away).

Now, your spouse might be as excited for the experience as you are and be onboard immediately, in which case planning and reading forums about the place, setting, etc. can be a lot of fun. Often your first nude experience is a vacation and who doesn’t like to go on vacation?

Chances are though, even if your spouse does want to go, they are a bit nervous and have reservations. That’s completely understandable. I know my wife and I both did. So let’s discuss this and share our observations and thoughts on the topic.

First a little history. When I was growing up, I had gone skinny dipping a few times. I loved the feeling of swimming naked and being nude in the sun. It felt great to be warm all over (a feeling I still enjoy 25 year later). I did this a few times but always alone at a small lake near my home. I knew it was something I enjoyed and skinny dipping with others was something I wanted to try. My wife also had gone skinny dipping with friends (girls and boys) when she was in high school late at night one summer. She laughed telling me about it because she remembers it looked like she and all of her girlfriends weren’t actually naked but instead wearing glowing white bikinis from their tan lines.  Later in college, she took a trip to Europe and went to a topless beach but was too intimidated to shed her top with all of her friends around.  That was it for both of us. Neither one of us could be called a nudist (then or now).

Fast forward a few months before our wedding and honeymoon to Tahiti. I mentioned to my wife (then girlfriend) that she could go topless on our honeymoon and that I would like to try to find a place where we could go skinny dipping or even sunbathe nude. This is when we had our talk.

She told me she loved the idea of us finding a place to go skinny dipping with me but sunbathing nude or even skinny dipping with people around us made her uncomfortable because other people would see her.  I told her that I understood her concerns and that I didn’t know how I felt about other people seeing me or her naked but that my desire to see “how it felt” was important to me. I wanted to be naked, outside with her. While I didn’t know it at the time, this was a turning point for us.

Key point here is that we talked and discussed why we wanted to experience this and what fears/anxieties we had. Later, when we went to Tahiti, my wife was topless most of the time there. She loved it. And I loved watching her sunbathe, swim and walk without her bikini top on. I never realized that this could be a turn on to me, but it was.

I did some online research and was amazed at how many men asked for tips on how to get their wives to try topless or nude sunbathing.  Many women, like my wife said originally, were uncomfortable of people looking at them naked. A few women also said that they would like to try topless sunbathing but their husbands were super protective of other men looking at them while clothed, let alone naked.

Based on these very real concerns, here is our advice. Ask your wife or husband to give it a try and see if they can become comfortable. Plan to go to a clothing optional beach or bed and breakfast and let them know they can shed as much or as little as they want to with no pressure from you. Do not go to a nude resort where you are required to be naked. This can be very intimidating and I’ve seen it work out badly when trying to introduce social nudity to someone who is not ready for it.  The experience should be comfortable not scary. You might be a little anxious. That’s normal but not uncomfortable.

After a while, your wife may take off her bikini top or swimsuit or your husband might relax and realize that others there might give a pleasant nod but rarely will someone stare. It really doesn’t happen and if it does, you have ever right to put your clothes back on. The key here is being comfortable and doing things slowly.  Your wife may feel great sunbathing without her top on, but want to put it back on when she swims or walks on the beach. Your husband might be fine naked on his stomach but be completely uncomfortable sitting up or laying on this back. Do what feels right.  After a while it will feel very natural and right. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. This may not be a couples activity you can do.

Your wife or husband may decide they never want to be naked outside of your home but that they’re comfortable with you sunbathing nude. We’ve seen this at beaches many times. He will be naked but she is wearing a bikini or she is topless but wearing the smallest thong bikini bottom ever seen. Or she is naked but he is wearing his swimsuit. I’ve covered our experiences with first time social nudity in several of our blog posts already. I encourage you to read them again.

I do want to call attention to one point I saw mentioned several times in online forums on the topic of asking your husband/wife to go naked for the first time. There are people who believe if you truly love your spouse, that you would never want anyone to see them naked. That you are wrong for asking them to show their bodies to the world and perverted for being naked and wanting them to be naked with you. I saw comments like this in many forums. If your spouse shares this opinion, this may not be an option for you.

Please let us know what questions or concerns you have. I will tell you that our time together naked on a beach or at a resort has been wonderful. For us, it’s about being completely relaxed and comfortable. When we first went nude together many years ago, we were comfortable but not relaxed. It takes time. And it can be a stimulating experience for you both but not at the time. Later, in the privacy of your bedroom. Social nudity as we have described it is not overtly sexual. There is a right time and place and it’s not at a public beach or resort, but in privacy later.

Talk to your spouse and see what they think. Summer will be here before we know it.  Let us know your questions. We’ll do our best to share insights. Good luck.

 

Where to stay in South Beach to be near the Surf, Sea and Nude Sunbathing at Haulover Beach

 

Welcome to Haulover Beach. You WILL see nude sunbathers beyond this point.
Welcome to Haulover Beach. You WILL see nude sunbathers beyond this point.

You really can’t find a better or easier nude beach experience than Haulover Beach in North Miami. It is one of our favorite clothing optional beaches anywhere: Haulover Beach, you really can’t stay closer to Haulover than the Daddy O Hotel in Miami.

You can't ask for a closer or better hotel than the Daddy O Hotel if you plan on going to Haulover Beach.
You can’t ask for a closer or better hotel than the Daddy O Hotel if you plan on going to Haulover Beach.

It’s very clean, very fun, very hip and very reasonably priced and is less than 10 minutes from Haulover.  We have found room 222 to be our favorite. It’s roomy and private, but a long walk to the front of the hotel. The staff at the Daddy O are friendly and they have beach towels and chairs available for you to use. What more do you need?

You are about 20 minutes drive from the restaurants and clubs at South Beach. You will want to go to South Beach each night. It’s awesome and worth the trip. For lunch food, beer and other treats, go to the Publix in Surfside. Google it and you’ll find the location. They can make sandwiches for you. I recommend the Cuban. It’s easy to get to from the Daddy O Hotel in Bal Harbour and you’ll be on the beach enjoying the sun, surf and sand before you know it. Food, beverages and chairs and umbrellas are available for purchase/rent on Haulover Beach. Remember there are no glass bottles allowed at Haulover and the only thing you’ll want and need to wear is lots of sunscreen.

Unfortunately the food and art scene in Bal Harbour isn’t really happening unless you only want to shop at the Bal Harbour Shops, which does feature many high-end retailers. We highly recommend going to the Lincoln Road Mall or Espanola Way in South Beach. Great food, good shopping and incredible people watching. The only thing better is watching the people you will see nude at Haulover. It really is an interesting bunch. Not at Haulover, but well worth the visit, is the Effusion Gallery in South Beach.  It’s one of our favorites and perhaps one of yours too. Give it a look. It’s well worth the visit. Every time we’re in South Beach, we have one dinner on Ocean Drive in South Beach. Truthfully, it is rarely worth the money. The food is okay, the people watching great, but the price doesn’t justify it. That said, we eat on Ocean Drive every time hoping it will get better, but it doesn’t. Espanola Way and Lincoln Road Mall are the places to go. Trust us.

Enjoy nude sunbathing and skinny dipping at Haulover beach and the restaurants and people at Espanola Way and Lincoln Park Mall. You’ll have a great trip. Just don’t get sunburned. Tell us what you think!

What to Expect on Your First Trip to a Nude Beach

The quiet time on a beach when the sun is just rising. Hidden Beach Resort, Mexico.
The quiet time on a beach when the sun is just rising. Hidden Beach Resort, Mexico.

So what should you expect on your first trip to a nude or clothing optional beach? Well, it is a trip to the beach and that’s always fun right? But let’s be honest, you’ll be a little uncomfortable at first but that’s natural when you do anything for the first time. After going to many nude beaches with my wife, here our are observations of most couples when they go to a nude beach for the very first time.

They usually are overdressed wearing tennis shoes, bathing suits, sarong or other cover up, hat, and t-shirts, while carrying towels and beach bags. While this may sound normal to people going to a non-nude beach, most nude beach veterans actually bring and wear very little. Most wear as little as possible and slip out of it as soon as they can. My wife has even stopped bringing a bikini and often will wear a skirt and t-shirt with nothing on underneath. For me, it’s a pair of soccer shorts and a t-shirt. Less to carry and easier to put on and take off as needed.

Next if the new couple isn’t wearing sunglasses, you’ll actually see their eye bug out looking down the beach at all of the naked bodies. Yup, you’re not in Kansas any more, but while it will be foreign and a little uncomfortable, that will pass. You’ll see a lot of “firsts’ on your visit.

For one, all bodies are not “10s.” You’ll see a lot of different body types. Tall, short, fat, skinny, young and old. Secondly, if you thought people had obvious tattoos with clothes on, you should see what they have without. The same is true of piercings. I had no idea what could be pierced until I went to a nude beach. Painful describes a lot of it, but I don’t judge. Finally, considering all of the cures for baldness out there, ironically many people at a nude beach are shaved down there. Not everyone but a lot of people keep their pubic areas very trim. It’s all personal choice and expression.

What you should learn from this is that regardless of how many tattoos or piercings you do or don’t have, pubic hair style or shaved, penis length or boob size, skinny or fat, you won’t stand out at all because everyone is different and when it’s all on display, most people really don’t notice or care. The sooner you’re comfortable with your and your spouse’s body, the more enjoyable the experience. That’s not to say that people won’t be watching you, especially when you first arrive but they watch because it’s funny. Here’s what I mean.

Next our first time couple generally wanders around on the beach for five to 15 minutes trying to find the perfect spot that’s not too close to everyone, but not too far away from everyone and certainly not surrounded by too many single guys. They’ll check one spot and then another and the entire time trying hard not to make eye contact with any of the naked people sitting, walking and talking around them.

For future reference, look for groups of people who appear to be regulars on the beach. Don’t go for the party crowd but look for other couples grouped together. How do you know they’re regulars? No tan lines is an obvious giveaway. They’ll probably give you space but will be friendly and answer any questions or loan you a bottle opener if you need one. You’ll find that nude beaches have some of the friendliest and most social people you’ll ever meet, and the ones you really want to meet will respect you and your spouse while you’re getting used to the beach.

Next, when the new couple finally finds a spot, they’ll layout their towels and gradually take off their shirts and shorts, while strategically placing bags, coolers and other items around them. My suggestion, block the wind because nothing is worse than being pelted with sand.

When the couple finally finds their place on the beach and sits down they realize the moment has arrived. They look like gophers with their heads darting around to see who is watching them or if anyone is staring. You can see the stress in their eyes and on their faces.

Now one of two things happens, either he stands up while she sits down on a towel and he quickly pulls down this bathing suit and sets it aside. This is the let it all hang out method and it’s the fastest and easiest way to get started because you’ll quickly realize that as soon as you take your suit off, no one is really watching or interested. I have never seen a woman do this first. It’s always the man who does this while she turns multiple shades of red.

Or and this is more common, the couple sits on their towels and begin playing a game of truth or dare. They stare at everyone around them and then at each other to decide who will take off their bathing suit first. You can almost hear them debating and you can see their nervousness. From here it’s a toss up on who will shed their clothes first, but if he does first, he immediately turns over on to his stomach. If she does, she’ll usually take off her bikini top slowly and then looks around to see if anyone is watching. Then she’ll either sit topless for awhile or she’ll remove her bikini bottoms and then turn over onto her stomach too.

So what happens next? Once they both start breathing again and realize  there aren’t any spotlights shining on them, they relax and calm down. Before long they’re flipping over and laying on their backs or starting to people watch and trust me there are interesting people on a nude beach.

Usually within a few hours, they’ll be running down to the water and swimming or walking down the beach in the surf.  It’s trying everything you love to do on a beach, except naked. It’s this moment when the shock and anxiety wear off and you sit with your spouse and you’re warm all over enjoying a day at the beach and you question why this was such a big thing in your mind.

What I just shared with you is what we’ve seen from many trips to the beach over the past 15 years. That first trip to a nude beach should be special. Remember, it will only be our first time once so plan to relax and enjoy it. You’ll probably wish you had done this sooner.

So what can go wrong on your first trip to a nude beach? Well first, remember to cover up and I do mean sunblock. When parts of your body that have never been kissed by the sun are, it leaves a lasting impression such as the worst sun burn you’ve ever had. And when couples hit the euphoria why haven’t I done this before stage, the last thing they’re thinking about is sunblock. Please use it and lots of it.

Second, if I’m a guy and I get excited what do I do? First off, this has happened to me once and that was only because I was reading a book that had a rather intense sex scene in it (Grisham book). I was shocked when I realized I was becoming physically excited so I flipped over onto my stomach and kept reading till it was gone. If this does happen, take a minute to flip over and relax. This too shall pass.

Finally, and this does happen, what do I do when lots of gawking men sit uncomfortably close to my wife and our towels? The best nude beaches are public beaches and you will see guys with no shame who wander around (usually clothed) gawking and every woman on the beach. Sometimes they sit down or position themselves in a rather uncomfortable angle for maximum viewing.

Remember, this is your day in the sun and ask them to move. If they don’t, talk to a life guard. Don’t let them ruin your day at the beach. This is why I recommend sitting near regulars and/or other couples. These gawkers tend to stay away from the regulars or large groups because they are often well known by these people and are afraid to get too close.

We’ll cover in future posts my favorite public nude beaches but this is all you really need to know to get started. What was your first visit like? Or are you planning your first visit right now? Let us know what questions you have. My favorite nude beach is Haulover in Miami. It’s a wonderful beach with great sand, waves and only minutes from the night life, shopping and restaurants of South Beach. On the Haulover website, they have a section on what to expect on your first visit and nude beach etiquette. It’s very well done. More to come on that later too!

Questions, thoughts, concerns? Let us know. Happy to provide insights and reviews.